when im down i always listen to klrc and it is always up lifting. my cousin just recently comitted suicide because he was a addicted and believed he couldnt live without drugs. im sorry to hear that youve been through that. just know that God will always be there for you. dont be depressed because you are more than the choices you make, you are more than the sum of your past mistakes, and you are more than the problems that you create. you have been remade into somebody new. just know that God loves you and even though some things wont get better just know that he does hear your cry for help and he is right beside you. if you want to see or feel a change you yourself have to be the change. dont let anybody or anything stand in your way and choose the path you feel is best for you and your family.