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Defeated & Needs Hope

I have lived here in Siloam now for nearly 18 months. I've prayed. I'm hanging on to my faith and God literally for dear life. I had to turn down a job interview because I couldn't afford the gas to get there. Even if I got the job, I'm not sure how I would pay for gas until I got my first pay check. I have two bills to still pay. I'll need rent for August soon.

We're just about out of laundry detergent. I need my sinus/allergy medicine. I'm tired of not being able to meet my basic needs!! I feel like I have nowhere to go. No one to turn to. Nobody who can help. I've sold all I can of my things. I've offered many times to do odd jobs for money, so I can earn something. I feeling very hopeless and defeated. Yet, I do thank the Lord for the blessings He has given my son (4 years old) and me.

I just can't keep doing this to myself and my son. I don't know what to do anymore. I find myself just wanting to give up, and that's not like me. I'm not a quitter. I've even thought my son would be better off without me, but I know that's just Satan trying to get the best of me. I love my son, and want to do all I can to take care of him. I need a miracle. I need to believe. I just don't know if I can anymore.