Viewing entries posted in 2012
When I woke up this morning my first thought was that tomorrow is Easter. Resurrection day. Time to celebrate Christ's victory over sin and death. In between Good Friday's reflections of the price he paid on the cross and Easter morning's celebration of the empty tomb sits a quiet Saturday.For you and I today is a day of preparation for the celebrating tomorrow brings. For the disciples I have a feeling today looked a lot different.I wonder what that Sabbath day was like after they wrapped Jesus and buried His dead body.
This week isn't turning out like I had planned. The kids are at their dad's for a few days. Normally I fill any time they're away with distractions. But this time the two friends I rely on to distract me are out of town, out of the country actually. So I've spent the last few evenings on the couch watching mindless TV and eating junk food.That wasn't my intention. My intention was to spend these few days with God. Every year I take a few days to get away and go on a prayer retreat.
This following Jesus thing is hard.I used to think that at some point I would reach a place of spiritual maturity and it would no longer be hard to follow Jesus. That I'd wake up one day to sunshine and blue skies and skip through the remainder of my days because I'd figured out the magic formula and was now immune to "hard".It seems as if my daydream is nothing more than just that, a dream.The longer I follow Jesus the more I realize... the hard isn't going away.I'm not the first person to find this following Jesus thing hard.
The fan spins round as the house settles in for the night and I lay here on my bed waiting for sleep to come. As I wait I am overwhelmed. For He is here with me. His presence, His peace, is almost more than I can bare.The children whisper to one another from their beds. One makes a last trip to the bathroom, then to get a drink. Slowly quite comes. Breathing slows and steadies. A hush falls all around as laughter and chatter fade to silence. And He is here with me, with us.
There weren't many things that Hagar was certain of, but she was certain that her son was dying and that she couldn't stand by and watch. So she hid. She was also certain that she had no where, no one, to turn to. She was an outcast. Rejected by her master, cast out by her son's father. With no friends and no resources Hagar was in every sense of the word, alone.Yet she wasn't. And this wasn't the first time she had hid in the desert. Nearly two decades earlier she found herself despised and rejected.
Growing up my parents owned a nursery and landscaping company. Most of my early childhood memories involve dirt. I learned to plant and water when I was just barely big enough to hold a hose. As I got older I learned to lay sod, fertilize plants, graft and prune. I was never very good at the pruning. My mom and I worked together. She would give me a quick lesson on each variety of plant and how it should be pruned, then she'd hand me pruning shears and turn me loose.
It's sunset outside my window and inside my heart. The sky to the east is dark, to the west it is fire. Night is wrapping itself upon the earth. The end of this day has come and now the long dark winter night settles in. Just as this day is ending so is this chapter in my life. The chapter of marriage has come to an end for me. Night is closing in. And what light remains blazes in the night, burning the last remnants of what once was. I tried so desperately to cling to the light.